ON MY OWN…
To be good at anything, you have to make a routine of it…
I’ve been trying to live on my own for over 10 years…but somehow, I always allow someone in my life and ultimately my space. It’s incredibly important to me that I am able to take care of myself…
And when someone comes into my life, and tries to “help” me take care of me… it fucks me up. Like, I’m so grateful and appreciative, yet I’m resentful and mad at myself for needing… help. It gives me…a false sense of security. It makes me feel like I can depend on someone. It makes me feel like I can actually “ask” for help. Asking for “help” is a reminder that I’m not where I’m “supposed” to be in life. And that’s stirs up a lot of negative emotions in my soul…
Scorpio #1 told me in 2001, she was going to teach me how to take care of myself. She did. She taught me how to live. And I can honestly say, I’m so grateful for her lesson(s). She taught me how to pay my bills before the due date. She taught me how to not pay a bill to treat myself to lunch or a small treat. “You could drop dead any day” she would say… “LIVE”
So I do…
This year I’ve learned the following:
1. I will never have another roommate. I used to give friends and family 60 days. Never…again.
2. Keep my personal business, private. No exceptions. People are incredibly envious.
3. No matter what, do not sleep with straight women; especially if they are married.
4. If my name ain’t on it too, its not “ours”
5. Stay cautious and aware…bitches be lying.
6. Needs before Wants
7. I still can’t have sex without getting attached *shrugs
8. I honestly don’t have a “type”
9. If you’re not paying my bills, stay in your lane.
10. I’m DOPE as fuck
And last but not least, I’m on my own. I don’t need…or want anyone to take care of me, or do anything in the world for me; especially if they don’t mean it…. And while actions speak louder than words, consistency is still key. For me, that’s the ultimate compliment. And as the universe continues to shift in my favor, I welcome Fall 2017 with open arms. As much as I want to be on my own, and alone, I know that’s not the Creator’s plan. But in the meantime, I will continue to learn me, love me, nurture me, and fight for me. If I don’t, who will?