[#BLOG] I’M NOT DATING IN 2017

I’m not dating in 2017. I’ve always put my desire to love and be loved before everything. My family, friends, career, everything has been hindered by my quest for love. I’m exhausted. I am drained. All I have left in me is for my art.

I’m not dating in 2017. Sure there are a slew of woman who make me smile. Some of them mean more to me than they will ever know. They don’t see me. Thus, I’ve been forced to turn a blind eye on them.

I’m not dating in 2017. It’s really…really hard to find someone today to show some sincere effort….with consistency… It’s even more difficult to find someone who will match yours if you are smitten and show interest. I don’t make a habit of courting, because people seem so fucking unappreciative these days. And I just…can’t. If I got $1.00 or $1M, I’m a frugal motherfucker, so if I spend any of my money on you… I like yo’ ass… why [try to] use me? 🙄 people play games I mastered so many years ago… shit’s boring…

I’m not dating in 2017. Kinda tired of feeling inadequate. I body shame myself. Always feel some kind of way about my height. Always feel some kind of way about me, period. Am I too soft, too hard? Am I this…am I that? Why the fuck I always get looked over? She just keeps on passing me by.

Sometimes…when you don’t have a love interest in your life feeding your ego, you tend to forget and question all sorts of things. You start picking yourself apart… because surely you’re the common denominator here. I’m just tired of having negative thoughts like I’m not enough… or perhaps too much. I spend a lot of time wondering why this one doesn’t call…or why this one doesn’t care….this one doesn’t love me like I love her, but why?? Well… I don’t care “why” anymore…

I 👏🏽 know 👏🏽 what 👏🏽 I 👏🏽 bring 👏🏽 to 👏🏽the 👏🏽table 👏🏽and 👏🏽I 👏🏽 don’t 👏🏽 mind 👏🏽 eating 👏🏽 alone 👏🏽 bitch! 👏🏽

In addition…to not dating in 2017, I’m not settling anymore either. I know what I want. What I like. What turns me on. What motivates and inspires me. If you are not what I desire in a mate, I’m tired of feeling guilty about it. If I actually talk with you…just pay attention, and believe what I say. If I say I don’t want to be in a relationship, I don’t need you to give me a 100 reasons why I should reconsider. Don’t tell me I’m allowing my past to fuck with my future. Don’t tell me I’m selfish, I want my cake and want to eat it too. Maybe I don’t want to be in a relationship with you… 9 times out of 10, I’m not even sleeping with a woman, and she will be in her feelings cause I’m too preoccupied with life, work, and my shit to fuck her. I don’t need this kind of woman in my life. I need someone in the trenches with me…not some fucking attention whore. I’m attracted to women with drive and ambition. My taste is exquisite and my standards are incredibly high. I work everyday trying to be a better me. I KNOW I deserve to have what I want. But it’s gonna have to knock me off my feet, cause I’m blind to any possibility right now…

I’m not dating in 2017. I gotta lot of shit to do. Period. Don’t knock the hustle. Don’t block the blessings.

I’m not dating in 2017…….
PEOPLE: Love will find you
ME: Ducks behind bushes

No but seriously…you know how when you make plans, God laughs… 😳 but deadass…I’m not dating in 2017.

I’m building in 2017. And if there is a woman sent to build with me cool. If not, cool. I’m just not going to pursue it or her [this future wife of mine] anymore. Sure…I may miss an opportunity or two. I always do… I believe my coy demeanor is a turn off. I be letting bitches heal… 😂 I’m not some creep who only want to hit. I friend zone cause I’m interested. I friend zone cause I’m a little traditional… I’m a gentlewoman. I treat woman the way I would want a love interest to treat me. I’m not trying to get involved with someone who is still emotionally involved with another. I’m not trying to build a life with someone who doesn’t know or love themselves. I’m not trying to get caught up with you and your kid(s) only to have you and the damn kid(s) break my heart when it ends…plus I still have my own damn bags I’m sifting through. I ain’t perfect, nor do I want or expect a perfect mate.

But again… I think my “friend zone/ nice guy” approach has been a major turn off for some women and quite frankly I don’t give a fuck. People be lying and having representatives. I need to spend some quality time with you to properly grasp what I’m most attracted to in you… But, it’s the little things too…that I just don’t like. You go out to dinner or having a Netflix and chill date…she on her phone, texting/sexting another mf’er… snapchatting another mf’er… talking to her friends…lowkey about another mf’er… and after all of that, No thank you…. No contact… women have you sitting dumbfounded wondering “what the fuck was that…!?” They get bored with me and/or don’t think I’m interested. Eventually they fade to black, and next thing you know they are in a full blown relationship with another motherfucker and taking usies on IG. What can I say? Get to know me…my still waters run deep. Stay in shallow end, you will never experience the best of me. Shit is crazy out here B, so I take as much time as I need to before I allow myself to get emotionally and physically involved. I mean just cause we reading the same book, doesn’t mean we on the same page.

I’m not dating in 2017, but fuck yeah it would be amazing if I fell in love in 2017. I’m not dismissing love, I’m simply taking the most important hiatus in my life. I’m sure I will meet more women next year, but I have no intentions on attaching myself to anyone exclusively. Who would have guessed in my 40’s I’d actually master having sex with someone and not feel some kind of way afterwards. Not to say I have a lot of NSA sex, but I’m capable. And that’s huge for me…

So yeah… no dating in 2017. Proceed with caution. We either friends, fucking (occasionally) or fiancées… and if I fuck around and get blessed with all the above in one woman, I won’t complain…

Billie Simone © 2016

[#POEM] DESERVE

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DESERVE

You deserve the
Absolute best
So please baby…
Don’t you dare settle
For anything less…
She better write
You songs
Soliloquies
And love poems daily…
She better have
Your baby…
She better give you
All the things
You want and need
After all
You believe she’s
Better for you…
Than me…
So…yeah…
She better
Come correct
With the paychecks
Always by your side
And not pulling
Disappearing acts…
She better stimulate
Your every sense…
Always represent
Show respect
And nurture
Your gifts and talents…
She better wait
On you hand and foot…
Can she cook?
Is she judging
The cover by the book?
(Read that again…)

You deserve the
Very best that this life
Has to offer…
So while you sift
Through the many offers
I hope you
Find the one who
Will make you smile
Every day…Like I try
She better make you
Laugh from a hearty
Fucking place with tears…
She better make
You face your fears
She better push you
To be the very best
You…that YOU can be…
This woman
You choose to
Love and fuck
Instead of me…
She better not break
Your heart…
She better not come
In and tear what’s
Left of you apart…
She better be smart
And full of drive…
She better have some culture
And want something
Out of life…
She better know
The kind of music
You like…

You deserve
Nothing less than
The absolute
Very fucking best…
Does she have her
Passport and traveler’s checks?
She better support
You and your endeavors
And she better
Give you gifts and love
Letters…so you
Never have to worry
About a thing…
She better be saving
For a ring…
She better sign
The license…
And like it…
She better make
Your coffee every
Morning
And never interrupt
Your slumber
Even when you’re snoring…
She better provide
You with a home
and financial stability…
She better do
All the things
You wouldn’t
Let me…

Billie Simone © 2014

[POEM] BAE

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BAE

Even though
I am fastidious
You never miss
An opportunity
To make me smile
And you probably
Think I’m foul
But it’s been awhile
Since I felt this way
Any day without you
Is the worst ever…
And I thought I was
Like you…
Tougher than leather
But I’m not…
And you knew that
Yet you still
Laid back and
We can’t take
Back those
Moments of pleasure
Ego shattered
And all I can do is
Overthink and treasure
A short story written
Wondering
If it’s…finished
Why you think
I pour my heart
Out in these poems
And send you
All those love songs…
I wanted to
Be the one you
Wanted most…
Now I’m just
Discarded
Burned like toast
The toy
Put away high on
The shelf
Waiting patiently
For someone else
To play with me…

[POEM] WEEKEND PLANS

WEEKEND PLANS

Baby…We can do
Whatever you
Wanna do…
We can catch
A movie
Or go have a photoshoot
With the animals
At the zoo…
We can go to
The mall and get
A little something for me
And a bit more
For you…
We can have a
Picnic in Piedmont Park
We could write
Under the sun
And critique each
Other’s Art…
Or I could always
Put something
On the grill
And we can just
Chill on the deck
In the backyard…
We could go
To a gallery
And discover
Something or
Someone new
Truthfully
I don’t care what
We do…
I just want to
Spend the weekend
With you…

Billie Simone © 2014

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[POEM] MISSING YOU

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MISSING YOU

I want to
Kiss you again…
Lay beside you
Naked and just
Talk and talk
While the cats lay
Between our legs…
I want to
Fix us breakfast
In bed
And watch
A marathon
Of SVU
While fingering you…
You know…
Like I used to do…

Billie Simone © 2014

[POEM] WANTED

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WANTED

So subtle…
How you make me
Feel so…wanted and desired…
One slight brush of the skin
I’m soaking wet
Yet full of fire…
Your lips on my neck
Gon’ make me leave
The game and retire…
My mind calls you a liar
Cause my heart
Has prior damage
But I won’t let what
Happened
In the past
Keep me from
Exploring something…
That may actually…last…

Billie Simone © 2014

[POEM] AFRAID

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AFRAID

Don’t be Afraid
Of me…
I’m harmless
All bite…no bark
Even if you
Break my heart
Over and over again
I’ll still love you
And be there til’
The end of our road
Or until you don’t
Want me no more…

But
Don’t be Afraid
Of this…
It really is bliss
Dreams do come true
And I’ll never hurt
You intentionally
or deliberately cause
You any
Pain or strife
I want you in
My life forever
Even if we
Are better…friends…

So
Don’t be Afraid
Of us…
Whatever will be
Will be
Let’s wait awhile
And see if we
Even like each other
I’m not saying
I want another
Lover…
But before we
Go any further
And cross more
Boundaries and lines
We might
Want to find some
Time to actually…Talk…
And try to
Define what really
Going on…

Cause truth be told…

Billie Simone © 2014