Your Journey is YOUR Journey

We can’t make anyone stay.  When people leave me, my insides cry and spill out my eyes, but my heart smiles.  In between my tears I’m wishing you the best your journey.  I can’t make you stay. I’ll be sad if you go.  But I understand if you need to keep moving…and I will not beg you to stay.  It is not in my soul to prevent you from seeking whatever you need or want… It does not mean I do not love or want you.  It means I love you enough to BE you…and live your life… I cannot be your entire life. But I will gladly be your wife…if it is written…

Billie Simone © 2016

[#LETSGETSPIRITUAL] – BLESSINGS ON BLESSINGS

PSALM 40:1
I waited patiently for the LORD; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry.

Every day I wake up is a blessing to me and those who want me in their lives. So waking up has been the best thing for me recently. Knowing someone is looking forward to seeing you smile or hearing your voice is an incredible feeling.  However, when you are moving forward on your path and journey, there will be many distractions. Work, family, friends, lovers…can give you a false sense of reality and safety. Sometimes we seek comfort in the very obstacle(s) that hinder us.

When these times occur, it is very important to focus on your life’s purpose and destiny. What is meant for you, will find you, if you keep your mind clear of clutter. I speak from experience when I say, you can not move forward if you allow negative energy to consume you. Because we are human, with feelings and emotions, it can be difficult forcing yourself to be selfish, and care more about yourself than others.

I have learned that you must be loyal to yourself first. Only you and the Creator really know who you are and what your intentions are. Often times we are unable to fully communicate with sincerity with others due to…fear. Fear has alway been my biggest hinderance. I’ve never been one to instigate a confrontation or welcome one for that matter. I don’t like to “rock the boat”. I’ve never been one to fully express myself verbally. I’ve always used my writing as my mean of communication. I’ve never had the courage to tell someone they are hurting me…when they are hurting me. Thus, my temper would always get the best of me. And I’m still a work in progress.

 In my experience I’ve learned that sometimes you simply have to say how you feel. You have to be honest with yourself and the people who love and care for you. You have to communicate your thoughts, fears, and concerns…otherwise, how will the people who love and care do you know?

I’ve always been a very emotional person. I am a product of my environment and make no apologies for my life experiences. I see things as black and white. Right and wrong. There is nothing in between. At the same time, I will never proclaim to be something I am not. Or put myself on a pedestal like I am perfect. I am not perfect. But I do my best to walk a righteous path.

  
People will assume, judge, and convict you, and have absolutely no idea who you are. Keeping your head held high, and your faith strong will propel you to a better place. I promise.

When I am being attacked, unjustly accused, abused,
misunderstood, and berated… I find comfort in knowing that the Creator is watching over me. When I am in my darkest moments, when I am hurting, and alone… I am not lonely. Because 1) I play very well by myself, and don’t need an entourage, or human to entertain me. And 2) I am loved, and a child of God… And whatever happens in my life…was already written…  

As I continue on my journey, I look forward to crossing paths with loving, honest, loyal, seekers like myself. I had so much sorrow and disappointment in my life…but it made me the woman I am today.

I am proud of me. I take care of myself, by myself. I have everything I need and want. I have been so blessed and I’m so grateful for all the beauty that is my life today. And thankful for those who truly love and support me…

[#LETSGETSPIRITUAL] COURAGE

COURAGE

Proverbs 28:1
The wicked flee when no one pursues, but the righteous are bold as a lion.

Although I take much pride in not being scared of shit, I do have my fears. But here lately, I’ve been on a mission to confront them with tenacity and courage. I have been stepping out of my comfort zone more than usual this year, and I must say it’s been very enlightening.

One of the things I think we all tend to do is lie to ourselves subconsciously. Deep down we know the truth. We feel it. Yet, we tell so many lies to ourselves and eventually we start to believe them. We are afraid to face ourselves and our truth; afraid to be who we were meant to be for whatever reasons.

For instance, I thought I was unlovable, and started to believe it. I carried that energy around me, and it pushed a lot of people out of my life. I’ve damaged relationships with family members, friends, and lovers…all because I refused to accept the love that was given to me.  It was all because deep down I always feared that no matter how much I loved someone, they would always leave.

I’m grateful for the Creator and his blessings. Somehow, someway, I found the courage to love and be loved again. This new love has propelled me to focus on the things that are most important to me. As I continue on my journey this week, I will continue to walk with my head high, with a smile, and full of courage. And so should you. 😊

❤️,
Billie

[#LETSGETSPIRITUAL] FORGIVING AND FORGETTING

FORGIVING AND FORGETTING

Matthew 18:21-22
21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

I am a great forgiver. Thus, I am usually taken advantage of. I guess there is a lesson in that, but I suppose I still have some learning to do.

I was raised among women who stayed. They were loyal to their mates no matter what. There have been very few divorces in my family. And those same couples re-married eventually. Some may call it toxic, dysfunctional, and unhealthy. I call it love. I call it forgiveness. The acts of infidelity, abuse, and mistreatment will never be forgotten. But having the strength to forgive is a true gift. I cherish mine.

We all have our stories of pain and despair. We all have our reasons for allowing ourselves to forgive someone that may have hurt us. Be it family, friends, lovers, or spouses we have all been hurt or hurt someone in our lives. Most times the pain inflicted is just…life. Some things are simply unavoidable and just apart of your journey.

I would like to think that no one has ever done anything to hurt me intentionally. There aren’t many people in the world that I dislike on a personal level. Even those people, my sexual predators, and a few former lovers, do not deserve to have hate bestowed upon them. I forgive them, and hope I have been forgiven for anything I may have done to hurt another. Malicious intent or revenge are not apart of my being, so anything I have ever done to hurt someone was not on purpose.

An an empath, I find it hard building friendships and relationships because from the very beginning I can usually feel exactly what our connection will be. I think I have caused serious damage in several relationships trying to prevent something that may not have even happened had I not intervened…marinate on that…

This week I will make a list of all the things I need to forgive myself for, and work towards rebuilding my trust in me. I believe a lot of my inner turmoil comes from the mere fact that I am my worst critic. I am hardest on myself more than anyone, and it’s time I forgive myself for not loving myself better and not having more faith in myself and the Creator. I will also pray for strength to resolve any ill feelings I have within me regarding things I simply cannot change. I will continue to find ways to forgive those who judge me and my people. No matter how hard it may be, I will not let any anger or pain grow in me. I will forgive. I will love. I will live… 

❤️,
Billie

[#LETSGETPIRITUAL] PATIENCE

PATIENCE

Romans 8:25
But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

I believe one of my biggest strengths is the ability to be patient. I always get what I want, even if I didn’t know I wanted it. And the things I don’t get, well I’m cool with that. I may be sad, but never bitter. Life has taught me one valuable lesson:

Sometimes a little extra effort is involved in obtaining what we desire. I cannot lie, there are many days that I am restless in my patience. I get frustrated and wonder if my dreams are just…dreams….

This week I will sit faithfully in my patience, work harder towards my goals, and remind myself:

And no matter how many clouds float my way, I will find a smile in the rain…

❤️
Billie

[#LETSGETSPIRITUAL] FEAR

FEAR

Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Last week my goal was to use my weaknesses to fuel my determination. My biggest weakness has been procrastination. I tend to “take my time” when it comes to making decisions. I think this has hindered me tremendously in every aspect in my life.

For instance, I’ve put off quitting smoking for years. I never should have started the un-healthy habit in the first place. Many of my ex lovers complained, and made requests for me to quit. A few offered some help, but never really made an effort to ensure I quit. For me…it was more of an oral fixation. I would say…with all seriousness…”put something else in my mouth”. None of them ever took my cigarettes away, or threw them away. None of them ever really demanded or gave me an ultimatum to quit.  So I kept smoking. I knew I wanted a family, but never knew my smoking could seriously prevent me from being with the one I love. But then I met…Her. Thus…I’ve started to stop smoke cigarettes. It hasn’t been easy. I’m stressed as fuck. But I got this. And I can already tell the difference when I take the stairs at work.

For me…for a long time, I haven’t been willing to change anything about myself or my lifestyle to accommodate another. To stop smoking would mean I loved someone more than myself. Not that I don’t love me. I love me enough to live my life as I please. But loving me enough to be better for another…yeah…that’s some love I wasn’t willing to give; until I met…Her. I realize now…it was really fear.

I don’t have many fears, but I suffer from philophobia:

 
It’s hindered me my entire adult life. I will often meet someone, begin to love and be loved by them, and eventually I will push them away.

I recently met someone who possesses the skill(s) and tenacity to break me down completely; forcing me to face my philophobia and begin the steps to conquer it. I’m grateful for her. She has truly made me better, and there is more to come.

I also have a fear of success. There is so much I should have done with my life and work by now, but my procrastination and fear has hovered over me like a dark cloud.

I wrote a novel many years ago, and someone I considered a friend, read it, and was displeased that I had based a character on her. We even came to blows about it. For years, I have been so concerned with what people will say or think about my work; wondering if I’ll hurt someone’s feelings again. And because of this, I’ve know I’ve missed out on so much. But I don’t care anymore. I have to share my work with the world regardless who it may affect. I can’t allow someone’s feelings, or discomfort scare me into not creating anymore.

My life is about to change tremendously in the next few months, and for the first time in my life, I am relying heavily on the Creator’s guidance and protection. There have been so many false prophets, cowards, and pretenders crossing my path, and distracting me from my purpose. I have prayed for clarity, and now…I can truly see clearly…  

This week I will continue my cigarette-free journey, and stay focused on the tasks at hand, and not procrastinate. I will work diligently on my projects, while facing my fears of success and love. I am so anxious and excited about the days to come with the new opportunities and love in my life. This is just the beginning and it’s only going to get better.  

❤️
Billie

[#LETSGETSPIRITUAL]  WEAKNESS 

 
I am an emotional being. It seems like I am always “in my feelings” over something or someone. Honestly, I truly despise when my weakness and vulnerability is written on my face. It embarrasses me. It makes me feel like I am not in control. But then I remember. I am NOT in control; the Creator is.

This week I will challenge myself to use my weakness(es) to fuel my determination. I will take each step with confidence, and remind myself that I am stronger than anything I may view as an obstacle. My weakness makes me stronger. My weakness empowers me, and prepares me for what’s to come. My weakness is beautiful…it is what makes me beautiful on the inside…and that’s where it counts the most.

2 Corinthians 12:10 Wherefore I take pleasure in weaknesses, in injuries, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

❤️
Billie