[#HAIKU] I TRY

[#HAIKU] I TRY

I try to love you
But all you do is run from
Me. It is exhausting.

Billie Simone ยฉ 2017

[#BLOG] I’M NOT DATING IN 2017

I’m not dating in 2017. I’ve always put my desire to love and be loved before everything. My family, friends, career, everything has been hindered by my quest for love. I’m exhausted. I am drained. All I have left in me is for my art.

I’m not dating in 2017. Sure there are a slew of woman who make me smile. Some of them mean more to me than they will ever know. They don’t see me. Thus, I’ve been forced to turn a blind eye on them.

I’m not dating in 2017. It’s really…really hard to find someone today to show some sincere effort….with consistency… It’s even more difficult to find someone who will match yours if you are smitten and show interest. I don’t make a habit of courting, because people seem so fucking unappreciative these days. And I just…can’t. If I got $1.00 or $1M, I’m a frugal motherfucker, so if I spend any of my money on you… I like yo’ ass… why [try to] use me? ๐Ÿ™„ people play games I mastered so many years ago… shit’s boring…

I’m not dating in 2017. Kinda tired of feeling inadequate. I body shame myself. Always feel some kind of way about my height. Always feel some kind of way about me, period. Am I too soft, too hard? Am I this…am I that? Why the fuck I always get looked over? She just keeps on passing me by.

Sometimes…when you don’t have a love interest in your life feeding your ego, you tend to forget and question all sorts of things. You start picking yourself apart… because surely you’re the common denominator here. I’m just tired of having negative thoughts like I’m not enough… or perhaps too much. I spend a lot of time wondering why this one doesn’t call…or why this one doesn’t care….this one doesn’t love me like I love her, but why?? Well… I don’t care “why” anymore…

I ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ know ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ what ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ I ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ bring ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ to ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝthe ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝtable ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝand ๐Ÿ‘๐ŸฝI ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ don’t ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ mind ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ eating ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ alone ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ bitch! ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ

In addition…to not dating in 2017, I’m not settling anymore either. I know what I want. What I like. What turns me on. What motivates and inspires me. If you are not what I desire in a mate, I’m tired of feeling guilty about it. If I actually talk with you…just pay attention, and believe what I say. If I say I don’t want to be in a relationship, I don’t need you to give me a 100 reasons why I should reconsider. Don’t tell me I’m allowing my past to fuck with my future. Don’t tell me I’m selfish, I want my cake and want to eat it too. Maybe I don’t want to be in a relationship with you… 9 times out of 10, I’m not even sleeping with a woman, and she will be in her feelings cause I’m too preoccupied with life, work, and my shit to fuck her. I don’t need this kind of woman in my life. I need someone in the trenches with me…not some fucking attention whore. I’m attracted to women with drive and ambition. My taste is exquisite and my standards are incredibly high. I work everyday trying to be a better me. I KNOW I deserve to have what I want. But it’s gonna have to knock me off my feet, cause I’m blind to any possibility right now…

I’m not dating in 2017. I gotta lot of shit to do. Period. Don’t knock the hustle. Don’t block the blessings.

I’m not dating in 2017…….
PEOPLE: Love will find you
ME: Ducks behind bushes

No but seriously…you know how when you make plans, God laughs… ๐Ÿ˜ณ but deadass…I’m not dating in 2017.

I’m building in 2017. And if there is a woman sent to build with me cool. If not, cool. I’m just not going to pursue it or her [this future wife of mine] anymore. Sure…I may miss an opportunity or two. I always do… I believe my coy demeanor is a turn off. I be letting bitches heal… ๐Ÿ˜‚ I’m not some creep who only want to hit. I friend zone cause I’m interested. I friend zone cause I’m a little traditional… I’m a gentlewoman. I treat woman the way I would want a love interest to treat me. I’m not trying to get involved with someone who is still emotionally involved with another. I’m not trying to build a life with someone who doesn’t know or love themselves. I’m not trying to get caught up with you and your kid(s) only to have you and the damn kid(s) break my heart when it ends…plus I still have my own damn bags I’m sifting through. I ain’t perfect, nor do I want or expect a perfect mate.

But again… I think my “friend zone/ nice guy” approach has been a major turn off for some women and quite frankly I don’t give a fuck. People be lying and having representatives. I need to spend some quality time with you to properly grasp what I’m most attracted to in you… But, it’s the little things too…that I just don’t like. You go out to dinner or having a Netflix and chill date…she on her phone, texting/sexting another mf’er… snapchatting another mf’er… talking to her friends…lowkey about another mf’er… and after all of that, No thank you…. No contact… women have you sitting dumbfounded wondering “what the fuck was that…!?” They get bored with me and/or don’t think I’m interested. Eventually they fade to black, and next thing you know they are in a full blown relationship with another motherfucker and taking usies on IG. What can I say? Get to know me…my still waters run deep. Stay in shallow end, you will never experience the best of me. Shit is crazy out here B, so I take as much time as I need to before I allow myself to get emotionally and physically involved. I mean just cause we reading the same book, doesn’t mean we on the same page.

I’m not dating in 2017, but fuck yeah it would be amazing if I fell in love in 2017. I’m not dismissing love, I’m simply taking the most important hiatus in my life. I’m sure I will meet more women next year, but I have no intentions on attaching myself to anyone exclusively. Who would have guessed in my 40’s I’d actually master having sex with someone and not feel some kind of way afterwards. Not to say I have a lot of NSA sex, but I’m capable. And that’s huge for me…

So yeah… no dating in 2017. Proceed with caution. We either friends, fucking (occasionally) or fiancรฉes… and if I fuck around and get blessed with all the above in one woman, I won’t complain…

Billie Simone ยฉ 2016

[#POEM] SHE WILL NEVER

[#POEM] SHE WILL NEVER

img_1829

I smile at you
Pretty little thing
With no clue
She will never
Do for you…
What I do…
Never provide you
With a life of
Comfort and warmth
I am everything you want
And then some
Yet you prefer to run
Backwards
I suppose I’m simply way
Above your standards…
Don’t you know
Real love matters?
She hasn’t and
She will never
Fill your soul
Consistently…
She will never
Unlock the mystery
Of your essence
Never appreciate
Your talents and presence
Yet you keep
Expecting something
New…

I smile at you
Shaking my head
In confusion
Perhaps you find
The abusing
Amusing…
Maybe you think
You don’t deserve
The greatest love of all
She calls…and you ghost
But she’s not the one
Who loves you most…
And you know it.
But who am I to say
It’s me…
Maybe I’m wrong
And you two will
Live a long life together
Maybe even forever
But she will never
Ever…
Love you like me
Listen to you
Inspire you
Ignite you like me
She will never
Want you
Adore you…
Fuck you like me
She will never…
Be as clever as me
Reach my level of desire
Passion and ecstasy
Go ahead Baby…
Try her and you’ll see
Be careful though…
you may lose me

Billie Simone ยฉ 2016

REMINDERS ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿพ

love yourself a little more… ๐Ÿ˜

#SHOUTOUT

#SHOUTOUT

I would like to give a shoutout to all the lovers who manage to stay together despite the trials and tribulations. Much love to the ones who felt unlovable, and found true, unconditional love. Kudos to all of you who stay…even when the times are tough and there’s doubt, you still hold on to the love that you was promised to you. I can’t forget the ones who were labeled “common denominators”, crazy, and too deep. Gold stars for you! Despite all the negative energy you allowed in your life, you persevered, and found a way to break the never-ending cycle of your self-sabotage…

All of you…give me hope and inspiration… stay in your truth…and keep your love alive.

Some say…Love never fails…

so if it does fail…it was never love…only infatation… ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿพ

[#POEM] DESERVE

IMG_7230.JPG
DESERVE

You deserve the
Absolute best
So please baby…
Don’t you dare settle
For anything less…
She better write
You songs
Soliloquies
And love poems daily…
She better have
Your baby…
She better give you
All the things
You want and need
After all
You believe she’s
Better for you…
Than me…
So…yeah…
She better
Come correct
With the paychecks
Always by your side
And not pulling
Disappearing acts…
She better stimulate
Your every sense…
Always represent
Show respect
And nurture
Your gifts and talents…
She better wait
On you hand and foot…
Can she cook?
Is she judging
The cover by the book?
(Read that again…)

You deserve the
Very best that this life
Has to offer…
So while you sift
Through the many offers
I hope you
Find the one who
Will make you smile
Every day…Like I try
She better make you
Laugh from a hearty
Fucking place with tears…
She better make
You face your fears
She better push you
To be the very best
You…that YOU can be…
This woman
You choose to
Love and fuck
Instead of me…
She better not break
Your heart…
She better not come
In and tear what’s
Left of you apart…
She better be smart
And full of drive…
She better have some culture
And want something
Out of life…
She better know
The kind of music
You like…

You deserve
Nothing less than
The absolute
Very fucking best…
Does she have her
Passport and traveler’s checks?
She better support
You and your endeavors
And she better
Give you gifts and love
Letters…so you
Never have to worry
About a thing…
She better be saving
For a ring…
She better sign
The license…
And like it…
She better make
Your coffee every
Morning
And never interrupt
Your slumber
Even when you’re snoring…
She better provide
You with a home
and financial stability…
She better do
All the things
You wouldn’t
Let me…

Billie Simone ยฉ 2014

[POEM] AFRAID

IMG_5405.PNG

AFRAID

Don’t be Afraid
Of me…
I’m harmless
All bite…no bark
Even if you
Break my heart
Over and over again
I’ll still love you
And be there til’
The end of our road
Or until you don’t
Want me no more…

But
Don’t be Afraid
Of this…
It really is bliss
Dreams do come true
And I’ll never hurt
You intentionally
or deliberately cause
You any
Pain or strife
I want you in
My life forever
Even if we
Are better…friends…

So
Don’t be Afraid
Of us…
Whatever will be
Will be
Let’s wait awhile
And see if we
Even like each other
I’m not saying
I want another
Lover…
But before we
Go any further
And cross more
Boundaries and lines
We might
Want to find some
Time to actually…Talk…
And try to
Define what really
Going on…

Cause truth be told…

Billie Simone ยฉ 2014