[#BLOG] HEY STRANGER SEASON 2017

HEY STRANGER SEASON 2017

Don’t “Hey Stranger” me. I’m no stranger. I am right here where you left me. If you really wanted me or wanted to build a friendship, relationship with me, you have always known how to find me…

It’s funny how a person can block you…on all social media networks, their phone, their life, after they have left their “essence” all over your body, and bed…Only to hit you up months, a year or so later with some bullshit like, “Hey Stranger” are you kidding me? Are we friends? Oh…now you want to be friends…I see. Like…what you need some money or you want to fuck? Why…why are you interrupting my flow with this random ass text? Checking on me? Ha…Life is good…

I am never bitter; usually relieved when someone ultimately leaves my life. Cause I’m forever pushing a bitch away. I mourn for months though. I cry on the inside, and sit in my failures, beating myself internally… after all, I should have known better…

I’ve been through enough to know what’s good for me, and what’s not. Yet, I still open myself over and over again for the possibility of actually being loved. Sometimes I let people come back in…for whatever reason it may be. But one thing is for sure…when I am done, it’s over…forever. If I have to climb out of my love for you, after I’ve purposely fallen, I will never fall again…

If I have to stop loving you, I won’t love you the same ever again. It takes a LOT of effort for me to stop loving someone, so if I am forced to not love you… I won’t. Time heals the heartbreaks, but the scars are reminders of love loss. Thus, I do not repeat history…

Everyone deserves a pass or two, or twenty. Lord knows I do. My armor is mad thick…and the key is peeling the layers back. I will bitch, I will moan, I will be reluctant, I will be mean. It will take…some time. Depending on the kind of woman you are, you will either survive or succumb. It’s your…choice. I have yet to meet a woman with the patience, intelligence, the tenacity, the strength, and sexuality to understand how to get to the core of me. It is what it is… I’m a good womyn…I know this….

Breaks ups are awful, but apart of the relationship process. People have their expectations, and I honestly have none. I know your intentions the moment you look into my eyes. I feel your truth and lies before you speak. I taste your love before you open your legs. I know when you are coming before we touch. I know when all you want is a good…fuck. I don’t know how I know these things, but I do… I just wait for you…to do… you.

So don’t “Hey Stranger” me… cause the only reason you’re hitting me after all this time is cause you want something from me…and I’d rather you simply keep it 💯 with me…and if you knew me at all, you’d know this already…

Billie Simone © 2017

[#BLOG] PROFESSIONAL ASSHOLE

Where I come from, nothing beautiful lasts forever. I’ve been trying to learn how to brace myself for life’s trials and tribulations, but it seems like a task I will never master. I’m analytical, but I can’t find the formula to shield me from heartache after heartbreak. It’s an everyday struggle.

I absolutely suck at communicating… I just hate talking period. I want a mind reader. I don’t want to have to say a word, I just want my woman to know what I want and need and just take care of it and me.
Yeah…I know… that’s totally unrealistic. A boi can dream though…

I’ve decided that if I want a wife someday, I need to learn how to talk to people…women in particular. I don’t like small talk, or chit chatter. I find it hard to have and hold stimulating conversation cause I get bored. And then out of nowhere, I will tell myself to just stop paying attention altogether, because after all she, is just going to lie and leave, so why bother?

Feelings…I used to really be free with sharing mine. I don’t do that anymore. Lesson learned. People take your feelings and play with them like play doh, molding them into some shit that makes them feel better about fucking with you. And I know it is virtually impossible to have any kind of relationship, be it friendship or romantic without sharing how I feel. But I’m really tired of getting my fucking feelings hurt. And these women today are savage as fuck…

People ain’t shit… and it pisses me off cause I’m actually a decent human being.
I’m not some bitch looking for handouts, not some toy to be played with from time to time. I’m just human being who requires a great deal of consistency and brutal honesty. I’m not here to fill any voids or be someone’s void filler. I’m not here to be on a list of fucking cuddle buddies either. I’m here to be loved, unconditionally…effortlessly. If that’s too hard to do at the same time, let’s not pretend or even try…

[#BLOG] CONNECTED

[#BLOG] CONNECTED

When I said I wasn’t going to date in 2017, I meant it. But I knew the Creator and the ancestors had other plans for me. 15 days into the new year, I crossed paths with a woman who has changed my life forever. 10 days later…another. God is funny…

I’m not torn between the two. I love them both deeply, but neither of them…sad to say…are my NOT my wife.

The emotions I’ve experienced in the last few months are EXACTLY why I didn’t want to “date” anyone. While I can’t imagine where my life would be without them, I honestly wonder if I’d been better off had I not allowed myself to be open to the connections…

I have a plethora of “friends”. I have tribes, and family that allow me to be me, with no inhibitions. Thing is, I’m still learning who this Simone is…

I have absolutely no idea what I want or need in my life these days, because I’m still growing into the grown Simone. The one who’s learning to say what I mean, and mean what I say. The Simone who practices what she preaches, yet doesn’t judge herself so harshly. I’m still trying to heal…from YEARS of dysfunctional shit, that it just seems so incredibly unfair to allow someone to deal with my emotional rollercoaster. I simply do not need any help unpacking my bags… or do I?

I am a professional at self-sabotage. Don’t let my small frame fool you. I can push you the fuck out my life without lifting a finger. I know my power; know my strengths. My weaknesses though… I’ve still trying to learn, specifically what they are, and how to limit my shortcomings. Thus, I’ve limited my connections to strangers I encounter because as an introverted empath, people ultimately become a distraction…and when I pull away to regroup, re-energize, and get back on my path, I’m an asshole…

I am mean. I am mean when I am unhappy with myself. I take it out on others, and it’s not fair at all…I own it…I am working on it. And this is why I choose to be single and not in an exclusive, romantic relationship. Growth. 😏

On the other hand, I’m nice. Incredibly nice. I let people come into my life, and allow them to interrupt my schedule, my flow, my aura, and never utter a word.

I find myself in situationships, doing “lover” shit, when there’s no commitment on the table whatsoever. And I “say” I don’t want a relationship…but fuck, I am human. I have…feelings too.

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here I am today…Connected. Loved by and loving two women who I won't marry, and trying to create the most comfortable friendship and friend zone as possible. While one is everything I ever wanted, the other is everything I never knew I wanted. My winter, spring, and summer have been enlightening to say the least. I can't lie, my vulnerability got the best of me. I looked up one day, and found myself falling, and now I've been forced to climbing out of a love I never imagined I'd experience. I'm grateful, I'm healing, and I'm hopeful. What can I say?


Love is a helluva drug…

Billie Simone © 2017

[#HAIKU] I TRY

[#HAIKU] I TRY

I try to love you
But all you do is run from
Me. It is exhausting.

Billie Simone © 2017

[#BLOG] I’M NOT DATING IN 2017

I’m not dating in 2017. I’ve always put my desire to love and be loved before everything. My family, friends, career, everything has been hindered by my quest for love. I’m exhausted. I am drained. All I have left in me is for my art.

I’m not dating in 2017. Sure there are a slew of woman who make me smile. Some of them mean more to me than they will ever know. They don’t see me. Thus, I’ve been forced to turn a blind eye on them.

I’m not dating in 2017. It’s really…really hard to find someone today to show some sincere effort….with consistency… It’s even more difficult to find someone who will match yours if you are smitten and show interest. I don’t make a habit of courting, because people seem so fucking unappreciative these days. And I just…can’t. If I got $1.00 or $1M, I’m a frugal motherfucker, so if I spend any of my money on you… I like yo’ ass… why [try to] use me? 🙄 people play games I mastered so many years ago… shit’s boring…

I’m not dating in 2017. Kinda tired of feeling inadequate. I body shame myself. Always feel some kind of way about my height. Always feel some kind of way about me, period. Am I too soft, too hard? Am I this…am I that? Why the fuck I always get looked over? She just keeps on passing me by.

Sometimes…when you don’t have a love interest in your life feeding your ego, you tend to forget and question all sorts of things. You start picking yourself apart… because surely you’re the common denominator here. I’m just tired of having negative thoughts like I’m not enough… or perhaps too much. I spend a lot of time wondering why this one doesn’t call…or why this one doesn’t care….this one doesn’t love me like I love her, but why?? Well… I don’t care “why” anymore…

I 👏🏽 know 👏🏽 what 👏🏽 I 👏🏽 bring 👏🏽 to 👏🏽the 👏🏽table 👏🏽and 👏🏽I 👏🏽 don’t 👏🏽 mind 👏🏽 eating 👏🏽 alone 👏🏽 bitch! 👏🏽

In addition…to not dating in 2017, I’m not settling anymore either. I know what I want. What I like. What turns me on. What motivates and inspires me. If you are not what I desire in a mate, I’m tired of feeling guilty about it. If I actually talk with you…just pay attention, and believe what I say. If I say I don’t want to be in a relationship, I don’t need you to give me a 100 reasons why I should reconsider. Don’t tell me I’m allowing my past to fuck with my future. Don’t tell me I’m selfish, I want my cake and want to eat it too. Maybe I don’t want to be in a relationship with you… 9 times out of 10, I’m not even sleeping with a woman, and she will be in her feelings cause I’m too preoccupied with life, work, and my shit to fuck her. I don’t need this kind of woman in my life. I need someone in the trenches with me…not some fucking attention whore. I’m attracted to women with drive and ambition. My taste is exquisite and my standards are incredibly high. I work everyday trying to be a better me. I KNOW I deserve to have what I want. But it’s gonna have to knock me off my feet, cause I’m blind to any possibility right now…

I’m not dating in 2017. I gotta lot of shit to do. Period. Don’t knock the hustle. Don’t block the blessings.

I’m not dating in 2017…….
PEOPLE: Love will find you
ME: Ducks behind bushes

No but seriously…you know how when you make plans, God laughs… 😳 but deadass…I’m not dating in 2017.

I’m building in 2017. And if there is a woman sent to build with me cool. If not, cool. I’m just not going to pursue it or her [this future wife of mine] anymore. Sure…I may miss an opportunity or two. I always do… I believe my coy demeanor is a turn off. I be letting bitches heal… 😂 I’m not some creep who only want to hit. I friend zone cause I’m interested. I friend zone cause I’m a little traditional… I’m a gentlewoman. I treat woman the way I would want a love interest to treat me. I’m not trying to get involved with someone who is still emotionally involved with another. I’m not trying to build a life with someone who doesn’t know or love themselves. I’m not trying to get caught up with you and your kid(s) only to have you and the damn kid(s) break my heart when it ends…plus I still have my own damn bags I’m sifting through. I ain’t perfect, nor do I want or expect a perfect mate.

But again… I think my “friend zone/ nice guy” approach has been a major turn off for some women and quite frankly I don’t give a fuck. People be lying and having representatives. I need to spend some quality time with you to properly grasp what I’m most attracted to in you… But, it’s the little things too…that I just don’t like. You go out to dinner or having a Netflix and chill date…she on her phone, texting/sexting another mf’er… snapchatting another mf’er… talking to her friends…lowkey about another mf’er… and after all of that, No thank you…. No contact… women have you sitting dumbfounded wondering “what the fuck was that…!?” They get bored with me and/or don’t think I’m interested. Eventually they fade to black, and next thing you know they are in a full blown relationship with another motherfucker and taking usies on IG. What can I say? Get to know me…my still waters run deep. Stay in shallow end, you will never experience the best of me. Shit is crazy out here B, so I take as much time as I need to before I allow myself to get emotionally and physically involved. I mean just cause we reading the same book, doesn’t mean we on the same page.

I’m not dating in 2017, but fuck yeah it would be amazing if I fell in love in 2017. I’m not dismissing love, I’m simply taking the most important hiatus in my life. I’m sure I will meet more women next year, but I have no intentions on attaching myself to anyone exclusively. Who would have guessed in my 40’s I’d actually master having sex with someone and not feel some kind of way afterwards. Not to say I have a lot of NSA sex, but I’m capable. And that’s huge for me…

So yeah… no dating in 2017. Proceed with caution. We either friends, fucking (occasionally) or fiancées… and if I fuck around and get blessed with all the above in one woman, I won’t complain…

Billie Simone © 2016

[#POEM] SHE WILL NEVER

[#POEM] SHE WILL NEVER

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I smile at you
Pretty little thing
With no clue
She will never
Do for you…
What I do…
Never provide you
With a life of
Comfort and warmth
I am everything you want
And then some
Yet you prefer to run
Backwards
I suppose I’m simply way
Above your standards…
Don’t you know
Real love matters?
She hasn’t and
She will never
Fill your soul
Consistently…
She will never
Unlock the mystery
Of your essence
Never appreciate
Your talents and presence
Yet you keep
Expecting something
New…

I smile at you
Shaking my head
In confusion
Perhaps you find
The abusing
Amusing…
Maybe you think
You don’t deserve
The greatest love of all
She calls…and you ghost
But she’s not the one
Who loves you most…
And you know it.
But who am I to say
It’s me…
Maybe I’m wrong
And you two will
Live a long life together
Maybe even forever
But she will never
Ever…
Love you like me
Listen to you
Inspire you
Ignite you like me
She will never
Want you
Adore you…
Fuck you like me
She will never…
Be as clever as me
Reach my level of desire
Passion and ecstasy
Go ahead Baby…
Try her and you’ll see
Be careful though…
you may lose me

Billie Simone © 2016

REMINDERS 👌🏾

love yourself a little more… 😏