[#HAIKU] I TRY

[#HAIKU] I TRY

I try to love you
But all you do is run from
Me. It is exhausting.

Billie Simone © 2017

[#BLOG] I’M NOT DATING IN 2017

I’m not dating in 2017. I’ve always put my desire to love and be loved before everything. My family, friends, career, everything has been hindered by my quest for love. I’m exhausted. I am drained. All I have left in me is for my art.

I’m not dating in 2017. Sure there are a slew of woman who make me smile. Some of them mean more to me than they will ever know. They don’t see me. Thus, I’ve been forced to turn a blind eye on them.

I’m not dating in 2017. It’s really…really hard to find someone today to show some sincere effort….with consistency… It’s even more difficult to find someone who will match yours if you are smitten and show interest. I don’t make a habit of courting, because people seem so fucking unappreciative these days. And I just…can’t. If I got $1.00 or $1M, I’m a frugal motherfucker, so if I spend any of my money on you… I like yo’ ass… why [try to] use me? 🙄 people play games I mastered so many years ago… shit’s boring…

I’m not dating in 2017. Kinda tired of feeling inadequate. I body shame myself. Always feel some kind of way about my height. Always feel some kind of way about me, period. Am I too soft, too hard? Am I this…am I that? Why the fuck I always get looked over? She just keeps on passing me by.

Sometimes…when you don’t have a love interest in your life feeding your ego, you tend to forget and question all sorts of things. You start picking yourself apart… because surely you’re the common denominator here. I’m just tired of having negative thoughts like I’m not enough… or perhaps too much. I spend a lot of time wondering why this one doesn’t call…or why this one doesn’t care….this one doesn’t love me like I love her, but why?? Well… I don’t care “why” anymore…

I 👏🏽 know 👏🏽 what 👏🏽 I 👏🏽 bring 👏🏽 to 👏🏽the 👏🏽table 👏🏽and 👏🏽I 👏🏽 don’t 👏🏽 mind 👏🏽 eating 👏🏽 alone 👏🏽 bitch! 👏🏽

In addition…to not dating in 2017, I’m not settling anymore either. I know what I want. What I like. What turns me on. What motivates and inspires me. If you are not what I desire in a mate, I’m tired of feeling guilty about it. If I actually talk with you…just pay attention, and believe what I say. If I say I don’t want to be in a relationship, I don’t need you to give me a 100 reasons why I should reconsider. Don’t tell me I’m allowing my past to fuck with my future. Don’t tell me I’m selfish, I want my cake and want to eat it too. Maybe I don’t want to be in a relationship with you… 9 times out of 10, I’m not even sleeping with a woman, and she will be in her feelings cause I’m too preoccupied with life, work, and my shit to fuck her. I don’t need this kind of woman in my life. I need someone in the trenches with me…not some fucking attention whore. I’m attracted to women with drive and ambition. My taste is exquisite and my standards are incredibly high. I work everyday trying to be a better me. I KNOW I deserve to have what I want. But it’s gonna have to knock me off my feet, cause I’m blind to any possibility right now…

I’m not dating in 2017. I gotta lot of shit to do. Period. Don’t knock the hustle. Don’t block the blessings.

I’m not dating in 2017…….
PEOPLE: Love will find you
ME: Ducks behind bushes

No but seriously…you know how when you make plans, God laughs… 😳 but deadass…I’m not dating in 2017.

I’m building in 2017. And if there is a woman sent to build with me cool. If not, cool. I’m just not going to pursue it or her [this future wife of mine] anymore. Sure…I may miss an opportunity or two. I always do… I believe my coy demeanor is a turn off. I be letting bitches heal… 😂 I’m not some creep who only want to hit. I friend zone cause I’m interested. I friend zone cause I’m a little traditional… I’m a gentlewoman. I treat woman the way I would want a love interest to treat me. I’m not trying to get involved with someone who is still emotionally involved with another. I’m not trying to build a life with someone who doesn’t know or love themselves. I’m not trying to get caught up with you and your kid(s) only to have you and the damn kid(s) break my heart when it ends…plus I still have my own damn bags I’m sifting through. I ain’t perfect, nor do I want or expect a perfect mate.

But again… I think my “friend zone/ nice guy” approach has been a major turn off for some women and quite frankly I don’t give a fuck. People be lying and having representatives. I need to spend some quality time with you to properly grasp what I’m most attracted to in you… But, it’s the little things too…that I just don’t like. You go out to dinner or having a Netflix and chill date…she on her phone, texting/sexting another mf’er… snapchatting another mf’er… talking to her friends…lowkey about another mf’er… and after all of that, No thank you…. No contact… women have you sitting dumbfounded wondering “what the fuck was that…!?” They get bored with me and/or don’t think I’m interested. Eventually they fade to black, and next thing you know they are in a full blown relationship with another motherfucker and taking usies on IG. What can I say? Get to know me…my still waters run deep. Stay in shallow end, you will never experience the best of me. Shit is crazy out here B, so I take as much time as I need to before I allow myself to get emotionally and physically involved. I mean just cause we reading the same book, doesn’t mean we on the same page.

I’m not dating in 2017, but fuck yeah it would be amazing if I fell in love in 2017. I’m not dismissing love, I’m simply taking the most important hiatus in my life. I’m sure I will meet more women next year, but I have no intentions on attaching myself to anyone exclusively. Who would have guessed in my 40’s I’d actually master having sex with someone and not feel some kind of way afterwards. Not to say I have a lot of NSA sex, but I’m capable. And that’s huge for me…

So yeah… no dating in 2017. Proceed with caution. We either friends, fucking (occasionally) or fiancées… and if I fuck around and get blessed with all the above in one woman, I won’t complain…

Billie Simone © 2016

[#POEM] I AM…

[#POEM] I AM…

I am…
Shy
*blushes

I hide between
My written lines
And women’s thighs…
I am…
A Pro-Black poet
Urban archivist
Black Lesbian…
Media Activist…Starving Artist
Hopeless romantic
I am…
Good Karma
A dream cum true
In every aspect
Put some repeckt
On my name
I’m one of the
Coldest in the game
New day Nikki Giovanni
In my prime
No one can stop me…

I am human…
A wild
Indigo child
A rebel with a cause
A faithful lover
With a broken heart
I am a dreamer
A giver
An optimistic
Pessimistic…believer
I am broken
Lost and confused
I am grown
I am a child
Sexually assaulted
And abused…

I am a reader
A writer
A fighter
A survivor…
I am woman’s
Womyn
I am something else…
I am always left…alone
I am not a ho’
I been with a lot
Of women tho’
I am a boy and a girl
I am the best of
Both worlds…
I am real
I am true
I am…
Falling in love
With you…

I am…
A Musikhed…a Lyricist
An aggressive
A submissive…
I am exquisite
I am flawed
A beautiful mess
A gift from the God(s)
I am soft…
And I am hard
I am real
I am honest
I am loyal
I am monogamous…
I am Free
I am saved
I am confident
I am afraid…

Billie Simone © 2016

WAKE UP

Good Morning 💋


I ain’t sorry… 😏

6.2.2016 – Mood Musik

Still crushing…I’ve said it more than once… I want to marry a Cancer…


*noted

[#POEM] SHE LIKES ME


SHE LIKES ME

She likes me
Doesn’t judge me by my “sins”
Loves every song I send
In my texts
We ain’t even had sex
Yet she keeps me wet
With her smile, sincerity
And intellect…
She likes my famous
French toast
She likes to hang out
With me and my folks
She don’t trip
When I take a few tokes
She likes my
Sarcastic humor
And laughs at all
My jokes…
She likes to
Make me smile
Likes to go the
Extra mile to show
Her interest in me
She even likes my
Art…my eye
and quotes my poetry….

She got me…
officially…
#Smitten

Billie Simone © 2016

HEY…YOU…part II.

  

Dear Future Wife,

I WOULD DATE YOU SO HARD, AND THEN MARRY THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!

THEN RAISE THE FUCK OUT OF OUR KIDS!

AND GIVE YOU ALL THE MOTHERFUCKING LOVE AND SUPPORT YOU’D EVER FUCKING NEED.

AND PAY THE HELL OUT OF THAT FUCKING MORTGAGE.

AND THEN WHEN THE GUTTERS ARE CLOGGED I’LL GET UP THAT FUCKING LADDER AND CLEAN THAT SHIT UP WHILE YOU STAND BY THE KITCHEN WINDOW COMICALLY JUDGING MY WORK.

AND THEN WE CAN VACUUM THE FUCK OUT OF OUR CARPET SO HARD THAT WE’LL HAVE TO GET A NEW ONE.

WE’LL WASH OUR CLOTHES SO GODDAMN FUCKING HARD. FORGET NO RINSE, WE’LL USE HIGH FUCKING SPEED.

BUY A FUCKING MINI-VAN…NO FUCK THAT…A FUCKING LUXURY SUV TO STUFF OUR BEAUTIFUL FUCKING BABIES INTO IT AND DRIVE THE FUCK OUT OF IT.

THEN WE CAN GO SOME FUCKING PARENT-TEACHER MEETINGS AND MEET THE FUCK OUT OF OUR KID’S TEACHER. THEN JUDGE THE SHIT OUT OF HER IN THE CAR.

AND WE CAN THEN PILE ALL THE CHILDREN IN THE FUCKING LUXURY SUV AND GO TO THE STORE AND SHOP FOR GROCERIES SO HARD THAT WE ACTUALLY HAVE TO MAKE MORE THAN TWO TRIPS TO GET ALL THAT SHIT INSIDE THE HOUSE.

AND THEN COOK THE FUCK OUT OF OUR KITCHEN UNTIL WE HAVE NO FOOD LEFT AND WE FEAST ON THAT SHIT FOR FUCKING DAYS.

I WILL EAT THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR HOMEMADE COOKIES.

THEN WASH THE SHIT OUT ON THE DISHES TOGETHER UNTIL OUR ENTIRE HANDS GET FUCKING PRUNEY.

WE’LL WATCH OUR KIDS FUCKING GRADUATE AND MOTHER FUCKING TEAR UP LIKE THE BADASS BOSSES WE FUCKING ARE.

WE WILL GROW SO DAMN OLD TOGETHER, WE WILL LOOK LIKE FUCKING RAISINS.

I WILL FUCKING TELL YOU EVERY SINGLE SECOND HOW MUCH I FUCKING LOVE YOU.

HOLDING EACH OTHER’S FUCKING HANDS SO HARD THAT WE SHIT OUR SELVES.

UNTIL WE DIE AND ROT AS MOTHERFUCKING CORPSES TOGETHER.

TIL DEATH DO US FUCKIN PART.

HAPPILY EVER FUCKING AFTER.

– Unknown

*pardon the language dear…