[#BLOG] HEY STRANGER SEASON 2017

HEY STRANGER SEASON 2017

Don’t “Hey Stranger” me. I’m no stranger. I am right here where you left me. If you really wanted me or wanted to build a friendship, relationship with me, you have always known how to find me…

It’s funny how a person can block you…on all social media networks, their phone, their life, after they have left their “essence” all over your body, and bed…Only to hit you up months, a year or so later with some bullshit like, “Hey Stranger” are you kidding me? Are we friends? Oh…now you want to be friends…I see. Like…what you need some money or you want to fuck? Why…why are you interrupting my flow with this random ass text? Checking on me? Ha…Life is good…

I am never bitter; usually relieved when someone ultimately leaves my life. Cause I’m forever pushing a bitch away. I mourn for months though. I cry on the inside, and sit in my failures, beating myself internally… after all, I should have known better…

I’ve been through enough to know what’s good for me, and what’s not. Yet, I still open myself over and over again for the possibility of actually being loved. Sometimes I let people come back in…for whatever reason it may be. But one thing is for sure…when I am done, it’s over…forever. If I have to climb out of my love for you, after I’ve purposely fallen, I will never fall again…

If I have to stop loving you, I won’t love you the same ever again. It takes a LOT of effort for me to stop loving someone, so if I am forced to not love you… I won’t. Time heals the heartbreaks, but the scars are reminders of love loss. Thus, I do not repeat history…

Everyone deserves a pass or two, or twenty. Lord knows I do. My armor is mad thick…and the key is peeling the layers back. I will bitch, I will moan, I will be reluctant, I will be mean. It will take…some time. Depending on the kind of woman you are, you will either survive or succumb. It’s your…choice. I have yet to meet a woman with the patience, intelligence, the tenacity, the strength, and sexuality to understand how to get to the core of me. It is what it is… I’m a good womyn…I know this….

Breaks ups are awful, but apart of the relationship process. People have their expectations, and I honestly have none. I know your intentions the moment you look into my eyes. I feel your truth and lies before you speak. I taste your love before you open your legs. I know when you are coming before we touch. I know when all you want is a good…fuck. I don’t know how I know these things, but I do… I just wait for you…to do… you.

So don’t “Hey Stranger” me… cause the only reason you’re hitting me after all this time is cause you want something from me…and I’d rather you simply keep it 💯 with me…and if you knew me at all, you’d know this already…

Billie Simone © 2017

[#POEM] GHOST

[#POEM] GHOST

You used to catch flights
To spend nights with me
You said
My bed was your
Favorite place to be
Like most, you
Filled my head with so
Many fantasies
Like my favorite kin, you disappeared
And got Ghost on me…

I wish I had the words
To describe
How much I miss
Your fingers twisting
My curls
My world is bleak
I can’t eat
I can’t sleep
I can’t believe
You fucking went
Ghost on me…

I know it’s my fault
I thought I could be
Myself…
Thought I could be honest
And tell you how I really felt
Thought no matter what
I ever said or did
You’d still be right there
By my side
Hands…always in my hair…
Funny…you begged me to come
Only to leave me
Standing here…

But I knew…
You were too good to be true…
And soon…
One day…
I’d have to let you go…
I knew you weren’t real…
I knew you were just…
Another
Ghost…

But I honestly…
Had… Hope…

I’m probably a fool for
Believing in you…
For holding on
Remembering
All the beautiful
Memories between
You and me…
The loss of you is
Torture…
an unbearable agony…
I wonder if you
Can still smell me…

Billie Simone © 2017

[#BLOG] ON MY OWN

ON MY OWN…

To be good at anything, you have to make a routine of it…

I’ve been trying to live on my own for over 10 years…but somehow, I always allow someone in my life and ultimately my space. It’s incredibly important to me that I am able to take care of myself…

And when someone comes into my life, and tries to “help” me take care of me… it fucks me up. Like, I’m so grateful and appreciative, yet I’m resentful and mad at myself for needing… help. It gives me…a false sense of security. It makes me feel like I can depend on someone. It makes me feel like I can actually “ask” for help. Asking for “help” is a reminder that I’m not where I’m “supposed” to be in life. And that’s stirs up a lot of negative emotions in my soul…

Scorpio #1 told me in 2001, she was going to teach me how to take care of myself. She did. She taught me how to live. And I can honestly say, I’m so grateful for her lesson(s). She taught me how to pay my bills before the due date. She taught me how to not pay a bill to treat myself to lunch or a small treat. “You could drop dead any day” she would say… “LIVE”
So I do…

This year I’ve learned the following:

1. I will never have another roommate. I used to give friends and family 60 days. Never…again.
2. Keep my personal business, private. No exceptions. People are incredibly envious.
3. No matter what, do not sleep with straight women; especially if they are married.
4. If my name ain’t on it too, its not “ours”
5. Stay cautious and aware…bitches be lying.
6. Needs before Wants
7. I still can’t have sex without getting attached *shrugs
8. I honestly don’t have a “type”
9. If you’re not paying my bills, stay in your lane.
10. I’m DOPE as fuck

And last but not least, I’m on my own. I don’t need…or want anyone to take care of me, or do anything in the world for me; especially if they don’t mean it…. And while actions speak louder than words, consistency is still key. For me, that’s the ultimate compliment. And as the universe continues to shift in my favor, I welcome Fall 2017 with open arms. As much as I want to be on my own, and alone, I know that’s not the Creator’s plan. But in the meantime, I will continue to learn me, love me, nurture me, and fight for me. If I don’t, who will?

[#BLOG] PROFESSIONAL ASSHOLE

Where I come from, nothing beautiful lasts forever. I’ve been trying to learn how to brace myself for life’s trials and tribulations, but it seems like a task I will never master. I’m analytical, but I can’t find the formula to shield me from heartache after heartbreak. It’s an everyday struggle.

I absolutely suck at communicating… I just hate talking period. I want a mind reader. I don’t want to have to say a word, I just want my woman to know what I want and need and just take care of it and me.
Yeah…I know… that’s totally unrealistic. A boi can dream though…

I’ve decided that if I want a wife someday, I need to learn how to talk to people…women in particular. I don’t like small talk, or chit chatter. I find it hard to have and hold stimulating conversation cause I get bored. And then out of nowhere, I will tell myself to just stop paying attention altogether, because after all she, is just going to lie and leave, so why bother?

Feelings…I used to really be free with sharing mine. I don’t do that anymore. Lesson learned. People take your feelings and play with them like play doh, molding them into some shit that makes them feel better about fucking with you. And I know it is virtually impossible to have any kind of relationship, be it friendship or romantic without sharing how I feel. But I’m really tired of getting my fucking feelings hurt. And these women today are savage as fuck…

People ain’t shit… and it pisses me off cause I’m actually a decent human being.
I’m not some bitch looking for handouts, not some toy to be played with from time to time. I’m just human being who requires a great deal of consistency and brutal honesty. I’m not here to fill any voids or be someone’s void filler. I’m not here to be on a list of fucking cuddle buddies either. I’m here to be loved, unconditionally…effortlessly. If that’s too hard to do at the same time, let’s not pretend or even try…

[#BLOG] CONNECTED

[#BLOG] CONNECTED

When I said I wasn’t going to date in 2017, I meant it. But I knew the Creator and the ancestors had other plans for me. 15 days into the new year, I crossed paths with a woman who has changed my life forever. 10 days later…another. God is funny…

I’m not torn between the two. I love them both deeply, but neither of them…sad to say…are my NOT my wife.

The emotions I’ve experienced in the last few months are EXACTLY why I didn’t want to “date” anyone. While I can’t imagine where my life would be without them, I honestly wonder if I’d been better off had I not allowed myself to be open to the connections…

I have a plethora of “friends”. I have tribes, and family that allow me to be me, with no inhibitions. Thing is, I’m still learning who this Simone is…

I have absolutely no idea what I want or need in my life these days, because I’m still growing into the grown Simone. The one who’s learning to say what I mean, and mean what I say. The Simone who practices what she preaches, yet doesn’t judge herself so harshly. I’m still trying to heal…from YEARS of dysfunctional shit, that it just seems so incredibly unfair to allow someone to deal with my emotional rollercoaster. I simply do not need any help unpacking my bags… or do I?

I am a professional at self-sabotage. Don’t let my small frame fool you. I can push you the fuck out my life without lifting a finger. I know my power; know my strengths. My weaknesses though… I’ve still trying to learn, specifically what they are, and how to limit my shortcomings. Thus, I’ve limited my connections to strangers I encounter because as an introverted empath, people ultimately become a distraction…and when I pull away to regroup, re-energize, and get back on my path, I’m an asshole…

I am mean. I am mean when I am unhappy with myself. I take it out on others, and it’s not fair at all…I own it…I am working on it. And this is why I choose to be single and not in an exclusive, romantic relationship. Growth. 😏

On the other hand, I’m nice. Incredibly nice. I let people come into my life, and allow them to interrupt my schedule, my flow, my aura, and never utter a word.

I find myself in situationships, doing “lover” shit, when there’s no commitment on the table whatsoever. And I “say” I don’t want a relationship…but fuck, I am human. I have…feelings too.

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here I am today…Connected. Loved by and loving two women who I won't marry, and trying to create the most comfortable friendship and friend zone as possible. While one is everything I ever wanted, the other is everything I never knew I wanted. My winter, spring, and summer have been enlightening to say the least. I can't lie, my vulnerability got the best of me. I looked up one day, and found myself falling, and now I've been forced to climbing out of a love I never imagined I'd experience. I'm grateful, I'm healing, and I'm hopeful. What can I say?


Love is a helluva drug…

Billie Simone © 2017

[PHOTO] BRUNCH @ BILLIE’S

something’s missing…

and it’s you…